Unleash your Limits

C’mon! What are you waiting for? Seriously! Release the leash of limitations, don’t wait for anyone to empower you-empower yourself, make less money but have more joy, let your passion work for you, take more trips and learn to live again, life is intended to be enjoyed while on path, who cares about what people think-care about what God thinks,   don’t crowd yourself with meaningless limits,  break every barrier and object that looks, smells and or mimics a limit, it’s your bar so set it as high as you want it to go, if God wanted us to be limited thinkers then He would have made us as computers, define your odds, redefine your goals, set your best foot in motion and don’t turn back, and sure! Someone will buy that, you are gifted, and those hands are made of gold and are made for gold, you are royalty, your dreams are possible!!!!

Rediscovery

First and foremost I want to thank those that have and continue to intercede for me, thank you for standing in the gap for me, God is always faithful and there is no greater feeling than feeling well after an illness, so for those of you that don’t know, 5 years ago I was diagnosed with cluster headaches, it’s the most severe type of headache that anyone can have, no! It’s not a migraine or a “headache” that is treated by over the counter pills, it’s a literal Head (dot-dot-dot-dot) Ache in which one side of the face swells, and the eyes, nose and nervous system is affected, I want to be sure I separate the two clearly because I marvel at folks that look at me starry eyes when they hear I was in the E.R. or I have been out from work or normal functions’ due to my attacks because like most people when others described headaches I would naturally assume it’s something easy to take care of  (now that I am done with the cluster headache 101), so anyways my attacks are episodic, meaning they come anywhere from one, two and or three years apart, which is good and bad, good that I am not a chronic sufferer bad that when they hit-they hit hard, this year they came early, I of course am never expecting them because like anything else I’d rather believe I am healed, when my attacks have occurred in the past they have tortured me in the middle of the night, but this time around the pattern was very different, it was at night, in the morning and during the day (so horrible) by the way these are also known as suicide head-aches because some have committed suicide due to the intolerable pain because in the moment of the intensity you feel like all you want to do is just rip open the side of the throbbing pain and fix it ( I am not justifying suicide, it’s never an option I am stating the thought pattern in the moment of pain through my experience) anyways as a an episodic sufferer the monster visits with me for about 2-4 weeks, anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours then disappears, the physician prescribes a lot of pain pills and pure oxygen but these are really only useful if you catch the attack before it happens, the attacks come fast and by the time you pop a prescription pain pill you are already in a full blown attack which then can only be alleviated by breathing in 100% oxygen, which is not taking away the pain but toning it down just a notch, after an attack, I am drained, weak, tired and I feel like a zombie, all I can do is sleep, by the time I look up the day is gone and "I" of all people have not done anything, I've never asked God why this was happening to me, I just find it interesting that from nowhere life can stop you in your tracks and say otherwise, don’t get me wrong now, I am a very strong person, before this mess, I had never called off work, I have been working ever since I was 16 years old and I had never-ever-called off work, I had never been a sickly person, I had never been in the E.R…..I had never had any types of physical ailment till my diagnoses 5 years ago, I think what would get me frustrated more so than anything was  accepting that even strong people can get hit at the knees sometimes and cause them to fall temporarily, I mean-just being limited was bothering me, oh! Sure I leaned on God more than I had ever leaned on Him, every little bit of energy I had I was in my word (the Bible) which helped me embrace my time, yes! Embrace my time with God, I realize that in my physical realm I felt as though I was doing nothing, days where just passing right before my very own eyes and yet in my spiritual life I was growing in knowledge, I wanted to know more about illness and the body and I wanted to read all the verses on healing as I could, it wasn't until I started to accept that this was a moment for me to sit still and hear from God than to think of all the things that I had to do in my physical able body.

My Beloved, I write my heart out to you for you not to pity me but for you to gain strength, hope and courage in your walk, I describe my ailment in details so maybe you can relate, like you, I was enjoying the start of the year, great dreams, ambitions, goals and just started my 3^rd Christian Fiction Novel when-Boom! “life happened” you-see….there was no sickness in my forecast nor the time for pain and suffering, even though my spiritual goals where to grow and remain closer to God I hadn't planned on rediscovering my intimacy with Him till “this happened” and because of that,  which is the life we live and it means the good, bad and the ugly but in the mist of the unknown of life I want you to rediscover your intimacy with God, God doesn't mind us asking Him why in the time of “life happening” but before you ask Him why next time look around and figure out how you can rediscover your intimacy with Him (using that situation and or circumstance to strengthen your faith), I am so soften reminded about the little kid that tries to get their parents attention, the parent knows that the kid is trying to get their attention but the parent doesn't acknowledge the kid, sooner than later the kid usually does something dramatic, pull products down from a store shelf or throw a tantrum and so forth, point being they do that “dramatic” gesture to get the parents attention, and 99.9000% of the time it works, the parent stops dead in their tracks, places the grocery list down and figures out what it is the kid wants (something like that) so hear me out and clearly J I am not saying that God caused my sickness but I am saying that He used this situation as an attention-grabbing-moment, understand what ever circumstances you go through, whether or not if you understand them, let God use your circumstance to grow and strengthen your relationship with Him.

Strength-Ability

Psalm 28:7

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

I sometimes wonder what really ignites my inner strength, sometimes there are some days I feel as though I just don’t have that one more push and or fight in me, sometimes there are days that I feel like life is sucking me bone dry but in those days I always know that giving up is not an option, (don’t worry saints I pray-prayer is my lively regiment) but in this note I just want to be transparent, I can tell you that some of the things that keep me going in life is believing in my heart that the more tougher it gets the more closer I am, for instance, my writing seasons are usually at an all-time peak between the months of January through July, for some reason these have always been my most productive months for the last 5 years,  this time around I am working on my 3^rd  fiction novel, it’s very deep, very dear and very emotional to me however I am excited very much about it, as I connect with my characters my debilitating head-aches came to visit me, now mind you they usually happen once every other year in the fall, this time it’s an early arrival, they are enough to become a show stopper in my moments work but I realized something this time, just because life wants to stop you dead in your tracks with its spontaneous inconveniences doesn't mean you have to stop for life to have its way, now I am to the point where I am just going to work around it, through it and past it to finish what I started because like all else, this too shall come to pass, sure it feels awkward trailing an oxygen tank around and constantly relying on it to alleviate my head aches but it could be worse, my condition is not chronic, it’s always temporary and I thank God that I am very much alive, I write this candidly to you so that you understand that, “life happens” and just because “life happens” doesn't mean YOU have to stop happening, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel the question is, “how long is your tunnel?” ;-) now on another note bad life moments make for future memory giggles. Be Blessed! XOXOXO

“Strength is the ability to dig deep down inside to the core of your body and  use all the resources from within to survive one more try, one more hope, one more prayer and one more faith to keep living.”  -Memory Bengesa